My Secret

by Denise (5-B-7 FPE)

I was born after the turn of the century in a small midwestern town in the Great Lakes Region. My father was an attorney, and at the time that he and mother were married, he was twice her age. I had one brother two years younger than I. My father was not a domin- ant man and confined his admonitions to we children to little more than "Children should be seen and not heard", so it was mother who exerted the greatest in- fluence on us in all things. Mother was Irish, and father was of a German-Italian extraction. We were raised in the Catholic Faith, and one outstanding les- son I remember was to "respect and obey your father and mother".

Sundays were the days that we looked forward to very much. Father would take us for a walk into town to watch the trains come into the station, or to look into the windows of the toy stores, and perhaps a walk in the park. Occasionally we would visit relatives on the week end and at that time mother would accompany us. About this time I became aware that there was a physical difference between boys and girls. I could not understand how this happened, or what was the reason for it. In this matter my father was of little or no help. It was my mother who influenced our lives by letting my brother's hair and mine grow to shoulder length, and it wasn't until we were about 10 years old before we were given our first boyish haircut. I remember my hair was very black and wavy and I hated to have it cut off. This was my first recollection of being a TV. In fact I remember my mother saying, "Raphael I do not understand you, you seem so secre- tive, what is on your mind?" This only made me won- der, as I did not understand myself. All this time I had been raised much like a girl, whith my long hair, and the tenderness that mother gave to us. I knew that I was a boy, but at the same time I had a longing to be

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